21 7 / 2014

"No, I don’t think throwing alligators at people is a good idea."

anonymous submission. The management here at WTFparentingquotes supports this policy.

20 7 / 2014

"No, Grandpa does not have any friends named ‘Vomity.’"

…. That I know of?

19 7 / 2014

"When did you memorize all these insurance commercials??"

07 7 / 2014

"It’s actually ‘upchuck,’ not ‘chuckup.’"

I love his little spoonerisms.

02 7 / 2014

"Just sign the sympathy card as yourself, not as Gandalf."

… And ‘Boba Fett’ is also not appropriate.

01 7 / 2014

"Do not spit on me! Do not lick me! You are not Clifford the big red dog!"

Submission from raredevices.

Also, is it just me, or is Emily Elizabeth annoying??

01 7 / 2014

"Something I actually said tonight:
No, no… Don’t wash your face with the frog."

Submission from yarnandchocolate.

29 6 / 2014

Anonymous said: If you are going to go out in your bathrobe to spit on the plants in the parkway, I think it needs to be before 9 pm. Renee from church to Lila, age 13.

I’m still confused as to why she was spitting on plants at 11 pm.

29 6 / 2014

"No, I didn’t know the cat is your sensei."

….Again, I wouldn’t put anything past this cat.

29 6 / 2014

"The cat is not hypnotizing the dog."

It’s improbable, but not impossible.